For The Partner

Right click to download all 48 chapters of The Most Personal Addiction for effective and positive advice on how to cope with and help a sexually addicted partner at no charge.

Is He Sexually Addicted

Chapter 2

What every woman involved with a man needs to know about sex addiction.

If you suspect, are not sure, or know that the man in your life is sexually addicted, you're probably wondering, "What can I do about it? How can I talk to him? What are the problems to expect? Can they be overcome? Should I leave him? Should I give him one more chance?"

Read more: Is He Sexually Addicted

How To Talk To A Sexually Addicted Partner

If he doesn't want to admit it.

The refusal to admit one's addiction is the first major obstacle every person faces when dealing with addiction.

But, once again, sex addiction is different. Since it's the most personal addiction, it's also the most sensitive addiction to talk about. I suggest that instead of you taking on the burden of getting your partner to admit he's sexually addicted, get him to read just three interviews on this website:

Read more: How To Talk To A Sexually Addicted Partner

What You Need To Know About Co-dependency

I'm going to give you a shocking and yet accurate definition of a co-dependency. The definition is shocking because the 12-step program, conventional licensed therapy, and just about every co-dependent group deny and/or violate this simple and accurate definition.

In fact if they applied this definition, they would lose most of their members. What's even more shocking is that the definition I am going to give you used to be the standard definition of co-dependency.

Read more: What You Need To Know About Co-dependency

The Letter To A Partner

Her husband had gone to another counselor for help. The counselor let him down.

In her e-mail to me she said, "are you good at what you do? Not every counselor should be one...and not all of them are skilled/gifted/whatever you want to call it. I want someone who has a handle on this topic, who is an expert, who can REALLY, REALLY help."

She also wanted to know if the counseling allows "any consideration or discussion of a patient's history."

Below is my unedited response.

Read more: The Letter To A Partner

Someone Close To You Is Addicted To Sex

If you know it but he doesn't want to admit it, don't give up. You can get through to him

You know that your husband or boyfriend has a sex addiction. But does he know? If he doesn't want to accept that he's sexually addicted, what can you do? Even if he's accepted that he has a problem, is he willing to stop? How can you help him stop?

Let's answer these questions one by one. If you realize that your partner is addicted to sex either through addictive masturbation, compulsive use of porn, a fetish, phone sex or infidelity, but he doesn't want to accept it, here's what to do:

Read more: Someone Close To You Is Addicted To Sex

Contact Info

Dear Joe,

When I first contacted you, I had tried to quit "cold-turkey" many, many times before. After acting out my addiction, I would swear that this was the last time and I'm never going to do this again. But, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I would be back to my addiction within weeks, if not days.

I contacted several people from sex addiction support groups. Every one had the same advice for me: Get into a twelve step program and start attending as many meetings as I possibly could. Well, that simply would not work for me. After I read your book, I called you, and after one conversation, I decided that I wanted you to help me.

Thanks to you, I am now able to have a normal, intimate relationship with my wife. I thought that I had loved her as much as I possibly could. But, during the counseling, I saw that my addiction was actually getting in the way of our relationship. I was indulging in this fantasy world that I had built up around me and I had little intimacy left over for my wife. Needless to say, this was having a negative impact on us not to mention making me feel guilty all of the time. Now, I'm more fully able to express my love for her, both emotionally and physically.

My work has improved as well, as a result of your counseling. I don't spend hours every day trying to appease my addiction. Needless to say, this has greatly increased my productivity at work.

For the first time in my life, I have hope. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be happy about the kind of person that I am. I know, at last, that I am being true to myself; that I am being the kind of person that I always knew I was deep inside: a loving, faithful husband. For this, you have my undying gratitude.

Bertram [real name withheld]

If you would like to know more about how sex addiction is overcome, it will be my pleasure to spend a half hour talking to you and advising you about how to overcome your addiction at no charge.Whatever you tell me will stay in confidence. I will not try to make you feel guilty. I will not try to humiliate you. I will try to help you. Even if we never talk again, you will find that the time you and I spend speaking to each other will be beneficial to you.

You're welcome to call me at: 866-414-CONTROL (866-414-2668) 

Call 877-332-2869 if the circuits are busy (International calls: 805-214-1377)

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Monday thru Friday 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., Pacific Time Ask for Joe Zychik

Snail Mail: Positive Realism 9732 Pyramid Way #327 Sparks, NV 89441

Please note:
THE BEST WAY TO CONTACT ME IS BY PHONE (for e-mail click here)
(International callers' FAQ click here)

 

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The Most Personal Addiction Copyright © 2002-2013 by Joe Zychik,
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission from the publisher, except that portions may be used in broadcast or printed commentary or review when fully attributed to the author and publication by names.
Although all events described in the book are factual, the actual characters described herein are composites of actual clients of the author. The composite character has been created and designed to protect the actual client's identity. Any similarity to a single individual, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
The statements made in the testimonials set forth in the book are made by individuals who have received personal counseling from the author and are based on the results of that counseling. The individuals were not compensated in any manner for the statements made. The original testimonials are in the possession of the publisher and may be viewed with the permission of the testifier and the publisher.
This book is intended as a guide to understanding sexual addiction and to suggest a method of overcoming it. The advice rendered by the author in this book is based solely on his experiences in over 38 years of personal counseling. The author does not guarantee any certain result to the reader of this book. The author and the publisher shall not be responsible to the reader or any third party for any action or inaction by an individual who attempts to apply the methods set out in the book.