Overcome Pornography Addiction

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Pornography: The Illusion Addiction

Steve, a client of mine used to masturbate to female newscasters. For him, the nightly news was his porn magazine. Jeffrey was turned on by a popular mainstream mail order catalogue. Richard went bananas over the women's underwear ads in the daily newspaper. By most people's standards none of these men were addicted to porn.

Eddie, like the many men I helped overcome sex addiction, used to spend hours searching the Internet for the perfect porno picture. He had the same problem Jeffrey, Richard, and Steve had. He relied on a visual stimulation to help facilitate masturbation. In fact, his real addiction was not porn. But when he entered counseling both he and his wife, Carla, were convinced that he was hooked on pornography.

 

Certainly, from Carla's point of view, the problem was porn. She found porno mags hidden in the trunk of the car and behind the headboard in their bedroom.  She had put a filter on the computer to stop him from accessing porn sites. So, he bought a cheap a laptop she just happened to discover by chance. After she took the laptop away from him, he found software on the Internet that bypassed the filter she put on the family computer.

He appeared to be the typical junkie who would do anything to get his fix. But was his fix pornography or was it addictive masturbation?

I asked him two questions that helped Carla and Eddie revisit their assumption that he was addicted to porn.

The first question was: Do you use porn without masturbating? His answer was just about never.

Then I asked him the reverse question: Do you masturbate without using porn? His answer was the same.

For him and for just about all users of pornography, porn and masturbation are partners.

So the next issue for Eddie and his wife was: "Does porn cause a person to masturbate addictively? Or does addictive use of masturbation cause some people to become dependent on pornography?

There are three types of addicted masturbators.

-The most common type uses porn to create the fantasy necessary for masturbation.
-The second most common group creates the fantasy in their own mind without relying on any external pictures.
-The smallest group reads erotic stories to create their masturbation fantasy.


Here's a simple proof that addictive masturbation is the real problem and porn is merely the symptom. In my counseling when a person stops masturbating addictively, his interest in pornography subsides naturally.
 

The reason Eddie's wife could not stop him from using porn was that Eddie was hooked on masturbation just as a junkie gets hooked on heroin. Needles don't cause heroin addicts to become hooked on getting high. Pornography use doesn't cause a masturbation addiction. Porn is merely the delivery system for the person addicted to masturbation just as needles are the delivery system for the heroin addict.

Pornography does have its own problems apart from its association with a masturbation addiction. For a discussion of the unique problems associated with pornography addiction, and especially its effect on a relationship, I suggest you download all 48 chapters of The Most Personal Addiction for free. There is a special section devoted to the many complex aspects of porn in a relationship. I also suggest you read this short article about pornography addiction counseling.

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Articles in this category

Pornography Addiction Counseling | Pornography Addiction Insights For Men & Women | Pornography: The Illusion Addiction | A Sex Addiction Interview | The Sex Addiction FAQ | The Intimacy Factor and Sex Addiction | The Escape Factor and Sex Addiction | The Fear Factor and Sex Addiction |

Contact Info

Dear Joe,

When I first contacted you, I had tried to quit "cold-turkey" many, many times before. After acting out my addiction, I would swear that this was the last time and I'm never going to do this again. But, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I would be back to my addiction within weeks, if not days.

I contacted several people from sex addiction support groups. Every one had the same advice for me: Get into a twelve step program and start attending as many meetings as I possibly could. Well, that simply would not work for me. After I read your book, I called you, and after one conversation, I decided that I wanted you to help me.

Thanks to you, I am now able to have a normal, intimate relationship with my wife. I thought that I had loved her as much as I possibly could. But, during the counseling, I saw that my addiction was actually getting in the way of our relationship. I was indulging in this fantasy world that I had built up around me and I had little intimacy left over for my wife. Needless to say, this was having a negative impact on us not to mention making me feel guilty all of the time. Now, I'm more fully able to express my love for her, both emotionally and physically.

My work has improved as well, as a result of your counseling. I don't spend hours every day trying to appease my addiction. Needless to say, this has greatly increased my productivity at work.

For the first time in my life, I have hope. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be happy about the kind of person that I am. I know, at last, that I am being true to myself; that I am being the kind of person that I always knew I was deep inside: a loving, faithful husband. For this, you have my undying gratitude.

Bertram [real name withheld]

If you would like to know more about how sex addiction is overcome, it will be my pleasure to spend a half hour talking to you and advising you about how to overcome your addiction at no charge.Whatever you tell me will stay in confidence. I will not try to make you feel guilty. I will not try to humiliate you. I will try to help you. Even if we never talk again, you will find that the time you and I spend speaking to each other will be beneficial to you.

You're welcome to call me at: 866-414-CONTROL (866-414-2668) 

Call 877-332-2869 if the circuits are busy (International calls: 805-214-1377)

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This book is intended as a guide to understanding sexual addiction and to suggest a method of overcoming it. The advice rendered by the author in this book is based solely on his experiences in over 38 years of personal counseling. The author does not guarantee any certain result to the reader of this book. The author and the publisher shall not be responsible to the reader or any third party for any action or inaction by an individual who attempts to apply the methods set out in the book.