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Celibacy Is A Mistake | Help For Sex Addiction

Help For Sex Addiction

Right click to download all 48 chapters of The Most Personal Addiction for effective and positive advice on how to stop sex addiction at no charge.

Celibacy Is A Mistake

The most widely used approach to overcoming sex addiction is the 12-step program. A couple entering counseling through the 12-step approach will usually be advised to avoid sex for anywhere between 30 to 90 days. The theory is that the sexually addicted person is having too much sex. To overcome his need for sex, he requires a cooling off period.

A single man will also be told to refrain from all sex for as long as he can.

Conventional, licensed therapy, the other widely used approach, endorses the 12-step approach. Can the 12-step program and conventional, licensed therapy be wrong?

Let's answer the question by understanding one of the main causes of sex addiction. It is what I call "the flight from intimacy."

Essentially the addicted person turns to sex addiction as a substitute for genuine intimacy. Why? Because sex addiction is easy. Whether it's through masturbation with pornography, or a one night stand or a hooker, the sexually addicted person gets a sexual thrill, a shallow sense of intimacy, with no emotional investment.

Real intimacy demands emotional investment. It takes hard work over time to build a solid, loving relationship. Fantasy requires no emotional investment, no effort, and delivers an instant high.

Real intimacy can only be derived from a genuine, loving, romantic and sexual relationship with a real person. Such relationships do not occur instantly. They are developed over time through dedicated effort. One result of the effort is loving, intimate sex between the partners.

When a couple is advised to stop all sex for weeks or months, they are being advised to break off loving, intimate sex, an experience that contributes to keeping them together.

The painful irony of this advice is telling a couple, "Deal with an intimacy problem by avoiding intimacy."

The undertone of this advice is: celibacy is pure, loving, intimate sex is impure.

This leads to some important questions

If loving sex is impure, then so is intimacy. If intimacy is impure, then is sex addiction pure?
Answer: If celibacy is a state of purity, then intimate, loving sexual contact defiles the spirit.

If loving sex defiles the spirit, then having sex alone protects you from being degraded by loving sex. How does one have sex alone and avoid loving sex?
Through masturbation with or without porn, which brings us full circle back to sex addiction.

When advice that contradicts human nature is applied, the results are perverse.

Can the 12-step program and conventional, licensed therapy be wrong?

Not only are they wrong, their advice encourages sexually addictive behavior.

Menu: Home | The Most Personal Addiction | Sex Addiction Help | Porn Addiction | Masturbation Issues | Infidelity | For The Partner | Contact | Survey

Articles in this category

Motivation and Method To Overcome Sex Addiction Part 1 | Motivation and Method To Overcome Sex Addiction Part 2 | The First Obstacle To Overcoming Sex Addiction | The Best Sex And Overcoming Sex Addiction | The Joy Of Overcoming Sex Addiction | An Overview of Sex Addiction | The Complexities of Sexual Addiction | Types of sex addiction | Sexual Addiction and Self Deception | Sexual Addiction and Financial Issues | A Definition of Sex Addiction | Why Positive Realism Succeeds | Ethical Standards Of Counseling | Errors In The 12-Step Approach | Celibacy Is A Mistake |

Contact Info

Dear Joe,

When I first contacted you, I had tried to quit "cold-turkey" many, many times before. After acting out my addiction, I would swear that this was the last time and I'm never going to do this again. But, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I would be back to my addiction within weeks, if not days.

I contacted several people from sex addiction support groups. Every one had the same advice for me: Get into a twelve step program and start attending as many meetings as I possibly could. Well, that simply would not work for me. After I read your book, I called you, and after one conversation, I decided that I wanted you to help me.

Thanks to you, I am now able to have a normal, intimate relationship with my wife. I thought that I had loved her as much as I possibly could. But, during the counseling, I saw that my addiction was actually getting in the way of our relationship. I was indulging in this fantasy world that I had built up around me and I had little intimacy left over for my wife. Needless to say, this was having a negative impact on us not to mention making me feel guilty all of the time. Now, I'm more fully able to express my love for her, both emotionally and physically.

My work has improved as well, as a result of your counseling. I don't spend hours every day trying to appease my addiction. Needless to say, this has greatly increased my productivity at work.

For the first time in my life, I have hope. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be happy about the kind of person that I am. I know, at last, that I am being true to myself; that I am being the kind of person that I always knew I was deep inside: a loving, faithful husband. For this, you have my undying gratitude.

Bertram [real name withheld]

If you would like to know more about how sex addiction is overcome, it will be my pleasure to spend a half hour talking to you and advising you about how to overcome your addiction at no charge.Whatever you tell me will stay in confidence. I will not try to make you feel guilty. I will not try to humiliate you. I will try to help you. Even if we never talk again, you will find that the time you and I spend speaking to each other will be beneficial to you.

You're welcome to call me at: 866-414-CONTROL (866-414-2668) 

Call 877-332-2869 if the circuits are busy (International calls: 805-214-1377)

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Snail Mail: Positive Realism 9732 Pyramid Way #327 Sparks, NV 89441

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The Most Personal Addiction Copyright © 2002-2013 by Joe Zychik,
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission from the publisher, except that portions may be used in broadcast or printed commentary or review when fully attributed to the author and publication by names.
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This book is intended as a guide to understanding sexual addiction and to suggest a method of overcoming it. The advice rendered by the author in this book is based solely on his experiences in over 38 years of personal counseling. The author does not guarantee any certain result to the reader of this book. The author and the publisher shall not be responsible to the reader or any third party for any action or inaction by an individual who attempts to apply the methods set out in the book.