This is the first of 12 chapters on how to stop correctly
You can overcome any addiction.
How long you've been acting addictively doesn't matter. I've helped people in their 70's overcome addiction.
Your occupation won't get in the way. Mark was a truck driver and sexually addicted; Renaldo, considered a genius by the people in his medical practice, was hooked on cocaine; Dorothy, an overeater, was a stay-at-home mom. They all overcame their addictions with the approach in this ebook.
Wealth, popularity, or a powerful position is not required. Most of my clients are not wealthy and have no connection to the power structure.
Where you were born, your ethnic background, gender, or sexual orientation is not the issue. Gay, straight, Asian, Black, Hispanic - it just doesn't matter.
When it comes to overcoming addiction, you need to identify the key to mental health.
The key to mental health can be summed up in one word: honesty.
I define honesty as:
the attempt to make accurate identifications and communicate them to others.
In other words, it's:
the *intention* to figure out what's going on and
*sincerely trying* to tell other people what you are aware of.
Honesty is the heartbeat of mental health because:
- Honesty opens the door to change. Dishonesty keeps it locked.
The mind longs to know and experience itself.
Look at your own life and you will see that every time you were honest with yourself - even if you didn't like what you found - you felt relief. That relief was the mind rewarding you for being honest.
One of the major reasons many people do not succeed in overcoming addiction - or other hindrances in life - is that they don't accurately identify the problem. For instance:
A sexually addicted person might fool himself by saying, "I don't have a problem with addictive masturbation and pornography. Everyone does it."
An alcoholic might delude himself with, "I take a drink every now and then to relax. What's wrong with that?"
A person hooked on prescription medication might claim, "My doctor recommended it. I'm not a drug addict; I'm a patient."
In a romantic relationship, honesty is far more important than:
Financial net worth
Your goal is to appear as others expect you to
You believe the more money you have the better person you are
You think sex is the essence of a relationship
You manipulate people
You try to get power over people
You will say anything to avoid a conflict
You're in for a life of unhappy romantic relationships because a loving, committed relationship demands honesty.
Sex addiction is a symptom of an unhealthy approach toward relationships.
The first step toward a healthy relationship is honesty.
When you are honest with someone you show him or her you care about them. In effect you say,
"I love you so much I want you to know about me. I want you to see the good in me so that you can enjoy it and share in it. I won't hide my flaws because if I deceive you now, you will be hurt even worse later on by my bad side.
"If I tell you the truth, whatever problems we have, we can probably work out.
"I'd rather have an honest relationship with you built through hard work than one hastily thrown together on lies and illusions that will not stand the test of time."
True love is not built on candlelight dinners, expensive gifts, or winning the sexual Olympics.
Ask any happy couple and they will tell you, "I trust my partner." Talk to any unhappy couple and you will eventually hear one or both people say, "I don't trust my partner."
Honesty is where good relationships begin and bad ones end.
All healthy personal change begins with knowledge.
Honesty is the key to mental health because it enables you to gain knowledge of yourself and it allows the people you value to know you.
To overcome sex addiction, I needed to become a better person first.
At the core of every improvement I made was rigorous honesty with myself and the people I valued.
Look closely at yourself and you'll discover that honesty opens the door to overcoming addiction.
For over 20 years, I lied to myself that my addiction was normal and that there must be thousands like me out there who silently acted upon their addictions as normally as I did.
I secretly spent hours pouring over magazines and pictures on the Internet. I had convinced myself that my sexual addiction had no bearing whatsoever on my professional life, nor had it any bearing on my marriage.
I was always angry at those close to me for some inexplicable reason. The stronger my obsession became, the angrier I got. I was living a lie, and it was taking over my life.
I had previously tried to quit my sexual addiction cold turkey at least ten times. Ten attempts, and ten solid failures. At least I was consistent.
At the outset of your counseling, I was looking for the magic pill, the in-and-out express cure. I am thankful to you, Joe, that you had the patience to teach me the tools with which I could begin the process of overcoming addiction. The process was dependent ON ME and my understanding of how to apply the tools that you taught me.
My marriage is blossoming. I do not fear truth; I embrace it, and I can feel the anger being left behind.
Thank you, Joe, for showing me the freedom of overcoming sex addiction, the importance of reality, and the healing power of honesty.
(Real name withheld)
- To download/print the first 48
chapters which cover additional topics like how to build intimacy and
restore trust and other crucial issues click here
- If you are a man in a relationship troubled by sex addiction, take this interview
- If you know or suspect that your partner is addicted to sex, take this interview
- If you lost a good relationship or never had one, take this interview
- To learn more about overcoming sex addiction correctly, click Next
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