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Errors In The 12-Step Approach | Help For Sex Addiction

Help For Sex Addiction

Right click to download all 48 chapters of The Most Personal Addiction for effective and positive advice on how to stop sex addiction at no charge.

Errors In The 12-Step Approach

Mr. Jones is just waking up. He spent the entire evening drinking alcohol until he fell asleep. He's hung over badly. He tells himself, "I've got the whole weekend to sober up. I'll be OK by Monday morning."

Mr. Smith is just waking up. He spent the entire evening surfing porn sites and masturbating. He wakes up telling himself, "Another wasted evening." He hopes his wife doesn't ask him what project he was working on until the wee hours of the morning.

Can Mr. Jones, the alcoholic, overcome his drinking problem by treating it as a sex addiction? Can Mr. Smith approach his sexual addiction as if were an alcohol problem?

The establishment guru on sex addiction, Patrick Carnes, is the leading crusader for using The Twelve Step program to overcome sex addiction. His book, Out of the Shadows, is recommended by conventional licensed therapists across the country.

Carnes endorses Twelve Step. But does Twelve Step endorse Carnes?

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) owns the copyright to The Twelve Steps promoted by Carnes. In order for him to reprint The Twelve Steps in his book he was required to include on the title page the following:

"Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, nor that AA agrees with views expressed herein."

Carnes endorses the AA's Twelve Steps. But, they don't endorse him.

AA is trying to clarify that the Twelve Steps were not designed for sex addiction. They go on to say, "AA is a program for recovery from alcoholism only [italics in original.]"

Treating a sex addiction as a drinking problem fails because of Nature. You were born with a natural, healthy drive for sex. Sex addiction stems from the misuse of a natural drive.

No one is born with a natural, healthy drive for booze. It is not natural to destroy your mind. It is natural to have sex.

An alcoholic needs to stop drinking completely. A person struggling with sexual addictions such as masturbation addiction, pornography addiction, massage parlors, infidelity, promiscuity, etc., should not stop sex completely. Becoming celibate is not healthy.

In order for the person struggling with sex addiction to prevail, he needs to deal with two separate drives, the addictive drive and the natural drive. He must learn how to distinguish between them and how to stop acting on the addictive drive and continue acting on the natural healthy drive.

A program designed for alcohol only cannot make that distinction. AA is an all or none approach. Sex is not all or none.

Menu: Home | The Most Personal Addiction | Sex Addiction Help | Porn Addiction | Masturbation Issues | Infidelity | For The Partner | Contact | Survey

Articles in this category

Motivation and Method To Overcome Sex Addiction Part 1 | Motivation and Method To Overcome Sex Addiction Part 2 | The First Obstacle To Overcoming Sex Addiction | The Best Sex And Overcoming Sex Addiction | The Joy Of Overcoming Sex Addiction | An Overview of Sex Addiction | The Complexities of Sexual Addiction | Types of sex addiction | Sexual Addiction and Self Deception | Sexual Addiction and Financial Issues | A Definition of Sex Addiction | Why Positive Realism Succeeds | Ethical Standards Of Counseling | Errors In The 12-Step Approach | Celibacy Is A Mistake |

Contact Info

Dear Joe,

When I first contacted you, I had tried to quit "cold-turkey" many, many times before. After acting out my addiction, I would swear that this was the last time and I'm never going to do this again. But, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I would be back to my addiction within weeks, if not days.

I contacted several people from sex addiction support groups. Every one had the same advice for me: Get into a twelve step program and start attending as many meetings as I possibly could. Well, that simply would not work for me. After I read your book, I called you, and after one conversation, I decided that I wanted you to help me.

Thanks to you, I am now able to have a normal, intimate relationship with my wife. I thought that I had loved her as much as I possibly could. But, during the counseling, I saw that my addiction was actually getting in the way of our relationship. I was indulging in this fantasy world that I had built up around me and I had little intimacy left over for my wife. Needless to say, this was having a negative impact on us not to mention making me feel guilty all of the time. Now, I'm more fully able to express my love for her, both emotionally and physically.

My work has improved as well, as a result of your counseling. I don't spend hours every day trying to appease my addiction. Needless to say, this has greatly increased my productivity at work.

For the first time in my life, I have hope. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be happy about the kind of person that I am. I know, at last, that I am being true to myself; that I am being the kind of person that I always knew I was deep inside: a loving, faithful husband. For this, you have my undying gratitude.

Bertram [real name withheld]

If you would like to know more about how sex addiction is overcome, it will be my pleasure to spend a half hour talking to you and advising you about how to overcome your addiction at no charge.Whatever you tell me will stay in confidence. I will not try to make you feel guilty. I will not try to humiliate you. I will try to help you. Even if we never talk again, you will find that the time you and I spend speaking to each other will be beneficial to you.

You're welcome to call me at: 866-414-CONTROL (866-414-2668) 

Call 877-332-2869 if the circuits are busy (International calls: 805-214-1377)

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The Most Personal Addiction Copyright © 2002-2013 by Joe Zychik,
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission from the publisher, except that portions may be used in broadcast or printed commentary or review when fully attributed to the author and publication by names.
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This book is intended as a guide to understanding sexual addiction and to suggest a method of overcoming it. The advice rendered by the author in this book is based solely on his experiences in over 38 years of personal counseling. The author does not guarantee any certain result to the reader of this book. The author and the publisher shall not be responsible to the reader or any third party for any action or inaction by an individual who attempts to apply the methods set out in the book.