Errors In The 12-Step Approach
- Written by Joe Zychik
Mr. Jones is just waking up. He spent the entire evening drinking alcohol until he fell asleep. He's hung over badly. He tells himself, "I've got the whole weekend to sober up. I'll be OK by Monday morning."
Mr. Smith is just waking up. He spent the entire evening surfing porn sites and masturbating. He wakes up telling himself, "Another wasted evening." He hopes his wife doesn't ask him what project he was working on until the wee hours of the morning.
Can Mr. Jones, the alcoholic, overcome his drinking problem by treating it as a sex addiction? Can Mr. Smith approach his sexual addiction as if were an alcohol problem?
The establishment guru on sex addiction, Patrick Carnes, is the leading crusader for using The Twelve Step program to overcome sex addiction. His book, Out of the Shadows, is recommended by conventional licensed therapists across the country.
Carnes endorses Twelve Step. But does Twelve Step endorse Carnes?
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) owns the copyright to The Twelve Steps promoted by Carnes. In order for him to reprint The Twelve Steps in his book he was required to include on the title page the following:
"Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, nor that AA agrees with views expressed herein."
Carnes endorses the AA's Twelve Steps. But, they don't endorse him.
AA is trying to clarify that the Twelve Steps were not designed for sex addiction. They go on to say, "AA is a program for recovery from alcoholism only [italics in original.]"
Treating a sex addiction as a drinking problem fails because of Nature. You were born with a natural, healthy drive for sex. Sex addiction stems from the misuse of a natural drive.
No one is born with a natural, healthy drive for booze. It is not natural to destroy your mind. It is natural to have sex.
An alcoholic needs to stop drinking completely. A person struggling with sexual addictions such as masturbation addiction, pornography addiction, massage parlors, infidelity, promiscuity, etc., should not stop sex completely. Becoming celibate is not healthy.
In order for the person struggling with sex addiction to prevail, he needs to deal with two separate drives, the addictive drive and the natural drive. He must learn how to distinguish between them and how to stop acting on the addictive drive and continue acting on the natural healthy drive.
A program designed for alcohol only cannot make that distinction. AA is an all or none approach. Sex is not all or none.
Articles in this categoryMotivation and Method To Overcome Sex Addiction Part 1 | Motivation and Method To Overcome Sex Addiction Part 2 | The First Obstacle To Overcoming Sex Addiction | The Best Sex And Overcoming Sex Addiction | The Joy Of Overcoming Sex Addiction | An Overview of Sex Addiction | The Complexities of Sexual Addiction | Types of sex addiction | Sexual Addiction and Self Deception | Sexual Addiction and Financial Issues | A Definition of Sex Addiction | Why Positive Realism Succeeds | Ethical Standards Of Counseling | Errors In The 12-Step Approach | Celibacy Is A Mistake |