For The Man In A Relationship Troubled By Sex Addiction
What every man in a relationship needs to know about sex addiction.
This interview is designed to help you understand yourself, your partner, and how you can save your relationship. Every question provides you with an explanation of why it's being asked and a short, informative discussion about the issues involved.
Read more: For The Man In A Relationship Troubled By Sex Addiction
Is He Sexually Addicted
What every woman involved with a man needs to know about sex addiction.
If you suspect, are not sure, or know that the man in your life is sexually addicted, you're probably wondering, "What can I do about it? How can I talk to him? What are the problems to expect? Can they be overcome? Should I leave him? Should I give him one more chance?"
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Did you lose a good relationship or never have one?
There is a connection between emotional isolation and sexual addiction.
Sex addiction is a symptom of intimacy problems. If you don't have someone close to you in an intimate way, you are probably very familiar with the pain of loneliness. Sexual addiction creates obstacles to ending your loneliness. This interview will help you identify the destructive wall of fantasy that sex addiction builds between you and a good relationship.
Read more: Did you lose a good relationship or never have one?
The Key To Mental Health and Overcoming Sex Addiction
This is the first of 12 chapters on how to stop correctly.
You can overcome any addiction.
How long you've been acting addictively doesn't matter. I've helped people in their 70's overcome addiction.
Your occupation won't get in the way. Mark was a truck driver and sexually addicted; Renaldo, considered a genius by the people in his medical practice, was hooked on cocaine; Dorothy, an overeater, was a stay-at-home mom. They all overcame their addictions with the approach in this ebook.
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You Have What It Takes To Stop Sex Addiction
Anyone can overcome sex addiction
You've may have been told or may have felt that you don't have what it takes to overcome your addiction. This article will prove to you that you do. All you need is to be guided on how to use the valuable traits you have.
We're going to use qualities you've already developed to prove it.
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Stop Sex Addiction Here and Now Naturally
The popular approaches focus too much on the past.
The three most popular approaches to overcoming addiction are:
I call my approach Volitional Honesty (because it's based on free will and honesty).
The first reason it can help you is:
The answers to any personal problem - not only addiction, but depression, anxiety, guilt, phobias, hallucinations, suicidal feelings, anger, etc. - are in the here and now.
Let's find out why:
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Rely On Yourself To Stop Sexual Addiction
Group think doesn't work.
Allan had spent three years in the Twelve Step Program. He felt that he had learned a lot and made a lot of new friends. But he was still going to prostitutes, using pornography, and masturbating at work.
About six months before he called me he met Louise. He kept his Twelve Step meetings secret from her because he did not want her to know about his past.
Read more: Rely On Yourself To Stop Sexual Addiction
Work With The Mind To Stop Sex Addiction
For long-term success you need to be able to identify the signs of repression
For two years George did not experience any sexually addictive desires. During that time he stopped all his sexually addictive behavior. Then, one afternoon he went on a sex addiction binge at a massage parlor.
Malcolm did not act sexually addictive for a month; the few sexually addictive desires he experienced he pushed out of his mind, easily. He told his wife his problem was over. A week later he watched three porn videos.
Steve forced sexually addictive desires out of his mind by following his therapist's advice. He was so happy he told everybody at his group therapy meetings to follow the doctor's orders. But then Steve stopped going to group because he had returned to his sex addiction.
Read more: Work With The Mind To Stop Sex Addiction
How To Be In Control Of A Sexual Addiction
Approaches based on trying to get rid of the desire rather than facing the desire fail.
Conventional, licensed therapy, The Twelve Step approach, and religion offer their own versions of repression.
The Twelve Step approach relies on conscious, deliberate repression by asking a Higher Power to remove the addictive desire.
Whatever your beliefs, asking a Higher Power to remove your desire is the same as asking a Higher Power to repress the desire for you.
Religion's attempt to deliberately repress is similar to Twelve Step's because the addicted person asks the deity he believes in to rid him of his addictive desire. But religion goes one step further. It tends to morally condemn you if you experience a "wrong" desire.
Read more: How To Be In Control Of A Sexual Addiction
How To Find Competent Help To Overcome Sex Addiction
If the counselor refuses to answer your questions, or gives unacceptable answers, beware.
In order to get the knowledge you need to overcome sex addiction, you will either:
-Figure it on your own, using this book as your guide, or
-Ask someone to help you.
Since you have a better chance of success by finding qualified help, let's discuss what to look for in an advisor. But first let me warn you: If you don't find an advisor who meets the requirements, you're better off going it alone.
Here's what happens when you rely on an unqualified advisor:
Read more: How To Find Competent Help To Overcome Sex Addiction
Sexual Addiction - Why People Become Addicted
The most commonly used form of escape is addiction.
Brian engaged in three sexually addictive behaviors: 1) compulsive masturbation, 2) addictive use of pornography, and 3) frequenting massage parlors.
He was also an alcoholic. Through my counseling he learned that it did not matter whether he drank beer, wine or hard liquor, whether he drank at home, out in public, on the weekend, or during lunch. He needed to treat all drinking behaviors the same.
Unlike alcohol - all sexually addictive behaviors are not equal.
Read more: Sexual Addiction - Why People Become Addicted
Sexual Addiction - Misconceptions To Avoid
Misinformation about addiction is another cause of failure
Knowing how to approach the problem is a necessary ingredient for success. Knowing what is not true about the problem can be more important. Since we live in a media-driven world, you will be bombarded with mistaken ideas about addiction for a long time to come. You need to be aware of them so that your attempt to overcome sex addiction is not hindered by misconceptions.
Let's discuss some of the more popular ones.
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Sexual Addiction and The Symptoms of Addiction
By identifying the symptoms of your addiction, you develop a better understanding of how to overcome it.
The symptoms we're going to discuss can be identified by you or your partner just by taking a close look at your actions and being honest about them. What blocks people from identifying that they are addicted is the a desire to deny one's faults. No one is perfect. A greater mistake than developing an addiction is refusing to admit you are addicted.
This discussion will help you understand why certain symptoms mean you are addicted. There's a separate section on how to get through to an addicted person who doesn't want to admit their addiction. If you're displaying any of the symptoms discussed, read the section on how to get through to the addicted person, carefully.
Read more: Sexual Addiction and The Symptoms of Addiction
Why Sexual Addiction Is A Unique Addiction
Sex is a uniquely personal experience. What makes sex addiction so different from other addictions is the intense personal feelings that drive the addiction.
People are not born with a natural desire to get drunk on alcohol, get high on drugs or distort their minds with prescription medication.
We are born with natural, healthy desires for sex, work, and eating.
Addictions that stem from the misuse of a natural drive such as sex addiction, overeating, and workaholism need to be treated differently from addictions based on artificial drives, such as alcoholism, drug addiction, and smoking. Here's why:
Read more: Why Sexual Addiction Is A Unique Addiction
How I Overcame Sex Addiction
I was about to lose my wife of 10 years and go through my fourth divorce.
You see, I tried the Twelve Step Program no less than 10 times. I sought psychological counseling with five different psychologists not to mention one psychiatrist. I tried religion. My situation seemed hopeless and I was desperate. I sat at my computer and searched on sexual addiction and found your site. I took the interviews. I called you.
First, you helped my wife and I restore the foundation of our marriage.
Then you and I addressed my addictions to strip clubs, massage parlors, prostitutes, masturbation and pornography.
I have reached a point I never thought possible. My marriage is better than I had ever hoped it could be and I know how to keep it this way.
I no longer feel driven, controlled, or helpless to my situation. Joe, you have done something for me no one else has been able to do. I am 50 years old and have been trying to overcome this problem for 25 years. You have taught me how to regain control of my life.
There are good reasons for every principle in your approach. It makes sense. It works. Thank you for the happiness I finally feel in my life.
(Real name withheld)
I've been able to help people overcome addiction because through approaches I developed, I overcame four addictions:
Read more: How I Overcame Sex Addiction
When I first contacted you, I had tried to quit "cold-turkey" many, many times before. After acting out my addiction, I would swear that this was the last time and I'm never going to do this again. But, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I would be back to my addiction within weeks, if not days.
I contacted several people from sex addiction support groups. Every one had the same advice for me: Get into a twelve step program and start attending as many meetings as I possibly could. Well, that simply would not work for me. After I read your book, I called you, and after one conversation, I decided that I wanted you to help me.
Thanks to you, I am now able to have a normal, intimate relationship with my wife. I thought that I had loved her as much as I possibly could. But, during the counseling, I saw that my addiction was actually getting in the way of our relationship. I was indulging in this fantasy world that I had built up around me and I had little intimacy left over for my wife. Needless to say, this was having a negative impact on us not to mention making me feel guilty all of the time. Now, I'm more fully able to express my love for her, both emotionally and physically.
My work has improved as well, as a result of your counseling. I don't spend hours every day trying to appease my addiction. Needless to say, this has greatly increased my productivity at work.
For the first time in my life, I have hope. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be happy about the kind of person that I am. I know, at last, that I am being true to myself; that I am being the kind of person that I always knew I was deep inside: a loving, faithful husband. For this, you have my undying gratitude.
Bertram [real name withheld]
If you would like to know more about how sex addiction is overcome, it will be my pleasure to spend a half hour talking to you and advising you about how to overcome your addiction at no charge.Whatever you tell me will stay in confidence. I will not try to make you feel guilty. I will not try to humiliate you. I will try to help you. Even if we never talk again, you will find that the time you and I spend speaking to each other will be beneficial to you.
You're welcome to call me at: 866-414-CONTROL (866-414-2668)
Call 877-332-2869 if the circuits are busy (International calls: 805-214-1377)
Monday thru Friday 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., Pacific Time Ask for Joe Zychik
Snail Mail: Positive Realism 9732 Pyramid Way #327 Sparks, NV 89441
THE BEST WAY TO CONTACT ME IS BY PHONE. I do not answer questions or counsel by e-mail. It is too impersonal. Thank you.
I am not taking in new clients at this time. If you would like to be on a waiting list, please call.
(International callers' FAQ click here)
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