The Most Personal Addiction

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The Key To Mental Health and Overcoming Sex Addiction

Chapter 4

This is the first of 12 chapters on how to stop correctly.

You can overcome any addiction.

How long you've been acting addictively doesn't matter. I've helped people in their 70's overcome addiction.

Your occupation won't get in the way. Mark was a truck driver and sexually addicted; Renaldo, considered a genius by the people in his medical practice, was hooked on cocaine; Dorothy, an overeater, was a stay-at-home mom. They all overcame their addictions with the approach in this ebook.

Wealth, popularity, or a powerful position is not required. Most of my clients are not wealthy and have no connection to the power structure.

Where you were born, your ethnic background, gender, or sexual orientation is not the issue. Gay, straight, Asian, Black, Hispanic - it just doesn't matter.

 When it comes to overcoming addiction, you need to identify the key to mental health.

The key to mental health can be summed up in one word: honesty.

I define honesty as:

the attempt to make accurate identifications and communicate them to others.

In other words, it's:

  • the *intention* to figure out what's going on and

  • *sincerely trying* to tell other people what you are aware of.

Honesty is the heartbeat of mental health because:

Honesty opens the door to change. Dishonesty keeps it locked.

- The mind longs to know and experience itself. Look at your own life and you will see that every time you were honest with yourself - even if you didn't like what you found - you felt relief. That relief was the mind rewarding you for being honest.

- One of the major reasons many people do not succeed in overcoming addiction - or other hindrances in life - is that they don't accurately identify the problem. For instance:

-- A sexually addicted person might fool himself by saying, "I don't have a problem with addictive masturbation and pornography. Everyone does it."

-- An alcoholic might delude himself with, "I take a drink every now and then to relax. What's wrong with that?"

-- A person hooked on prescription medication might claim, "My doctor recommended it. I'm not a drug addict; I'm a patient."

In a romantic relationship, honesty is far more important than:

- Financial net worth

- Looks

- Popularity, or

- Sexual prowess.

But if:

- Your goal is to appear as others expect you to

- You believe the more money you have the better person you are

- You think sex is the essence of a relationship

- You manipulate people

- You try to get power over people

- You will say anything to avoid a conflict

You're in for a life of unhappy romantic relationships because a loving, committed relationship demands honesty.

Sex addiction is a symptom of an unhealthy approach toward relationships.

The first step toward a healthy relationship is honesty.

When you are honest with someone you show him or her you care about them. In effect you say,

"I love you so much I want you to know about me. I want you to see the good in me so that you can enjoy it and share in it. I won't hide my flaws because if I deceive you now, you will be hurt even worse later on by my bad side.

"If I tell you the truth, whatever problems we have, we can probably work out.

"I'd rather have an honest relationship with you built through hard work than one hastily thrown together on lies and illusions that will not stand the test of time."

True love is not built on candlelight dinners, expensive gifts, or winning the sexual Olympics.

Ask any happy couple and they will tell you, "I trust my partner." Talk to any unhappy couple and you will eventually hear one or both people say, "I don't trust my partner."

Honesty is where good relationships begin and bad ones end.

All healthy personal change begins with knowledge.

Honesty is the key to mental health because it enables you to gain knowledge of yourself and it allows the people you value to know you.

To overcome sex addiction, I needed to become a better person first.

At the core of every improvement I made was rigorous honesty with myself and the people I valued.

Look closely at yourself and you'll discover that honesty opens the door to overcoming addiction.

Dear Joe,

For over 20 years, I lied to myself that my addiction was normal and that there must be thousands like me out there who silently acted upon their addictions as normally as I did.

I secretly spent hours pouring over magazines and pictures on the Internet. I had convinced myself that my sexual addiction had no bearing whatsoever on my professional life, nor had it any bearing on my marriage.

I was always angry at those close to me for some inexplicable reason. The stronger my obsession became, the angrier I got. I was living a lie, and it was taking over my life.

I had previously tried to quit my sexual addiction cold turkey at least ten times. Ten attempts, and ten solid failures. At least I was consistent.

At the outset of your counseling, I was looking for the magic pill, the in-and-out express cure. I am thankful to you, Joe, that you had the patience to teach me the tools with which I could begin the process of overcoming addiction. The process was dependent ON ME and my understanding of how to apply the tools that you taught me.

My marriage is blossoming. I do not fear truth; I embrace it, and I can feel the anger being left behind.

Thank you, Joe, for showing me the freedom of overcoming sex addiction, the importance of reality, and the healing power of honesty.


(Real name withheld)


Menu: Home | The Most Personal Addiction | Sex Addiction Help | Porn Addiction | Masturbation Issues | Infidelity | For The Partner | Contact | Survey

Articles in this category

For The Man In A Relationship Troubled By Sex Addiction | Is He Sexually Addicted | Did you lose a good relationship or never have one? | The Key To Mental Health and Overcoming Sex Addiction | You Have What It Takes To Stop Sex Addiction | Stop Sex Addiction Here and Now Naturally | Rely On Yourself To Stop Sexual Addiction | Work With The Mind To Stop Sex Addiction | How To Be In Control Of A Sexual Addiction | How To Find Competent Help To Overcome Sex Addiction | Sexual Addiction - Why People Become Addicted | Sexual Addiction - Misconceptions To Avoid | Sexual Addiction and The Symptoms of Addiction | Why Sexual Addiction Is A Unique Addiction | How I Overcame Sex Addiction |

Contact Info

Dear Joe,

When I first contacted you, I had tried to quit "cold-turkey" many, many times before. After acting out my addiction, I would swear that this was the last time and I'm never going to do this again. But, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I would be back to my addiction within weeks, if not days.

I contacted several people from sex addiction support groups. Every one had the same advice for me: Get into a twelve step program and start attending as many meetings as I possibly could. Well, that simply would not work for me. After I read your book, I called you, and after one conversation, I decided that I wanted you to help me.

Thanks to you, I am now able to have a normal, intimate relationship with my wife. I thought that I had loved her as much as I possibly could. But, during the counseling, I saw that my addiction was actually getting in the way of our relationship. I was indulging in this fantasy world that I had built up around me and I had little intimacy left over for my wife. Needless to say, this was having a negative impact on us not to mention making me feel guilty all of the time. Now, I'm more fully able to express my love for her, both emotionally and physically.

My work has improved as well, as a result of your counseling. I don't spend hours every day trying to appease my addiction. Needless to say, this has greatly increased my productivity at work.

For the first time in my life, I have hope. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be happy about the kind of person that I am. I know, at last, that I am being true to myself; that I am being the kind of person that I always knew I was deep inside: a loving, faithful husband. For this, you have my undying gratitude.

Bertram [real name withheld]

If you would like to know more about how sex addiction is overcome, it will be my pleasure to spend a half hour talking to you and advising you about how to overcome your addiction at no charge.Whatever you tell me will stay in confidence. I will not try to make you feel guilty. I will not try to humiliate you. I will try to help you. Even if we never talk again, you will find that the time you and I spend speaking to each other will be beneficial to you.

You're welcome to call me at: 866-414-CONTROL (866-414-2668) 

Call 877-332-2869 if the circuits are busy (International calls: 805-214-1377)

skype-icon Skype joe.zychik

Monday thru Friday 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., Pacific Time Ask for Joe Zychik

Snail Mail: Positive Realism 9732 Pyramid Way #327 Sparks, NV 89441

Please note:
THE BEST WAY TO CONTACT ME IS BY PHONE. I do not answer questions or counsel by e-mail. It is too impersonal. Thank you.

I am not taking in new clients at this time. If you would like to be on a waiting list, please call.

(International callers' FAQ click here)


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