The Most Personal Addiction

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Why Sexual Addiction Is A Unique Addiction

Chapter 14
Sex is a uniquely personal experience. What makes sex addiction so different from other addictions is the intense personal feelings that drive the addiction.

People are not born with a natural desire to get drunk on alcohol, get high on drugs or distort their minds with prescription medication.

We are born with natural, healthy desires for sex, work, and eating.

Addictions that stem from the misuse of a natural drive such as sex addiction, overeating, and workaholism need to be treated differently from addictions based on artificial drives, such as alcoholism, drug addiction, and smoking. Here's why:

  1. Natural drives need to be fulfilled.

    If you attempt to completely eliminate an addiction based on a natural drive, you will be in conflict with nature. Going through life without sex or work leads to frustration, depression, and anxiety. If you completely stop eating you die.

  2. Naturally based addictions are more complex.

    A person with a naturally based addiction experiences their natural healthy desire to eat, or make love, or be productive. S/he also experiences an addictive desire to overeat, act sexually addictive, or overwork.

    To overcome a naturally based addiction, the person needs to be able to distinguish between these two drives. With substance abuse the person only needs to focus on the addictive drive because there is no natural drive associated with it.

  3. Substances can destroy the mind.

    Let's take a look at Sarah the alcoholic and Curtis the porn addict. Both go on an all-night binge.

    At the end of his binge, Curtis feels disgusted, exhausted, depressed, and guilty. He is also able to carry on a conversation and do simple tasks like drive a car. His ability to reason and draw rational conclusions is intact.

    Sarah also feels disgusted, exhausted, depressed, and guilty at the end of her binge. But her problems don't stop there.

    When the morning sun comes up, Sarah isn't able to reason; she probably doesn't even know where she is or what she did. She is incapable of the simplest tasks like walking or driving. She might hallucinate; she might break out in tears or rage for no apparent reason; she is incoherent and obnoxious.

    As bad as sex addiction is, substance addictions are worse. Those who share Sarah's problem know it too well. So do their friends and family.

  4. Substances can cause more destructive personality changes.

    An overeater or a sexually addicted person goes through mood swings caused by their addictive behavior. A substance abuser experiences more than just a mood swing. A substance abuser becomes a different person.

    For instance:

    • After a person goes on a porn binge, he doesn't walk into a bar looking for a fight. Some alcoholics do.

    • An overeater might be too sensitive to criticism. But someone under the influence of drugs will go beyond oversensitivity. They will verge on paranoia.

    • A workaholic might feel isolated and unappreciated, while someone hooked on prescription medication will feel hated and hopeless.

    If you've ever lived with an alcoholic, a drug addict or someone hooked on prescription medication, you know the hell that substance abuse causes. If you have never been in a relationship with a substance abuser, consider yourself fortunate if for no other reason than the following:

    Substance abuse worsens other addictions.

The unique driving force behind sexual addiction is the attempt to escape the natural, healthy need for intimacy.

Some people escape intimacy more than others. Some escape differently than others. But all sexually addicted people have one thing in common:

To some degree, every sexually addicted person flees from intimacy and turns to fantasy to meet his or her needs for a healthy, loving intimate sexual relationship.

You don't have to analyze your childhood, change your environment, wipe out stress, or chemically alter your mind to overcome sex addiction. The answer to your addiction lies in two challenges:

  1. Dealing with your intimacy issues and

  2. Correctly stopping sexually addictive behavior.

You might be wondering:

"Can I do it? Can I really overcome my sex addiction? I've struggled with it for years. I feel shame about it. I feel guilt about it. It's ruining me and everything I love. Can this horrible secret I live with really be overcome?"

I'll answer the question with two questions:

  1. "Are you willing to be honest?"

  2. "Are you willing to work hard to achieve your goal?"

If your answer is "Yes," all you need is knowledge. You can gain that knowledge by using this book and your own experience as the guides.

Menu: Home | The Most Personal Addiction | Sex Addiction Help | Porn Addiction | Masturbation Issues | Infidelity | For The Partner | Contact | Survey

Articles in this category

For The Man In A Relationship Troubled By Sex Addiction | Is He Sexually Addicted | Did you lose a good relationship or never have one? | The Key To Mental Health and Overcoming Sex Addiction | You Have What It Takes To Stop Sex Addiction | Stop Sex Addiction Here and Now Naturally | Rely On Yourself To Stop Sexual Addiction | Work With The Mind To Stop Sex Addiction | How To Be In Control Of A Sexual Addiction | How To Find Competent Help To Overcome Sex Addiction | Sexual Addiction - Why People Become Addicted | Sexual Addiction - Misconceptions To Avoid | Sexual Addiction and The Symptoms of Addiction | Why Sexual Addiction Is A Unique Addiction | How I Overcame Sex Addiction |

Contact Info

Dear Joe,

When I first contacted you, I had tried to quit "cold-turkey" many, many times before. After acting out my addiction, I would swear that this was the last time and I'm never going to do this again. But, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I would be back to my addiction within weeks, if not days.

I contacted several people from sex addiction support groups. Every one had the same advice for me: Get into a twelve step program and start attending as many meetings as I possibly could. Well, that simply would not work for me. After I read your book, I called you, and after one conversation, I decided that I wanted you to help me.

Thanks to you, I am now able to have a normal, intimate relationship with my wife. I thought that I had loved her as much as I possibly could. But, during the counseling, I saw that my addiction was actually getting in the way of our relationship. I was indulging in this fantasy world that I had built up around me and I had little intimacy left over for my wife. Needless to say, this was having a negative impact on us not to mention making me feel guilty all of the time. Now, I'm more fully able to express my love for her, both emotionally and physically.

My work has improved as well, as a result of your counseling. I don't spend hours every day trying to appease my addiction. Needless to say, this has greatly increased my productivity at work.

For the first time in my life, I have hope. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be happy about the kind of person that I am. I know, at last, that I am being true to myself; that I am being the kind of person that I always knew I was deep inside: a loving, faithful husband. For this, you have my undying gratitude.

Bertram [real name withheld]

If you would like to know more about how sex addiction is overcome, it will be my pleasure to spend a half hour talking to you and advising you about how to overcome your addiction at no charge.Whatever you tell me will stay in confidence. I will not try to make you feel guilty. I will not try to humiliate you. I will try to help you. Even if we never talk again, you will find that the time you and I spend speaking to each other will be beneficial to you.

You're welcome to call me at: 866-414-CONTROL (866-414-2668) 

Call 877-332-2869 if the circuits are busy (International calls: 805-214-1377)

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Monday thru Friday 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., Pacific Time Ask for Joe Zychik

Snail Mail: Positive Realism 9732 Pyramid Way #327 Sparks, NV 89441

Please note:
THE BEST WAY TO CONTACT ME IS BY PHONE. I do not answer questions or counsel by e-mail. It is too impersonal. Thank you.

I am not taking in new clients at this time. If you would like to be on a waiting list, please call.

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The statements made in the testimonials set forth in the book are made by individuals who have received personal counseling from the author and are based on the results of that counseling. The individuals were not compensated in any manner for the statements made. The original testimonials are in the possession of the author and may be viewed with the permission of the testifier and the publisher.

This book is intended as a guide to understanding sexual addiction and to suggest a method of overcoming it. The advice rendered by the author in this book is based solely on his experiences in over 38 years of personal counseling. The author does not guarantee any certain result to the reader of this book. The author and the publisher shall not be responsible to the reader or any third party for any action or inaction by an individual who attempts to apply the methods set out in the book. The author is not a medical doctor or a licensed therapist and does not pretend to be one. The materials on this website are protected by the author's first amendment right to express his opinions and are not to be taken as medical advice or advice from a licensed therapist.